Did I lose you along the way?
Off to play at better pastimes?
Did I cross the line?
One too many run on rhymes?
Did I strike a nerve?
Ask too many questions?
Make you feel alike?
Akin to my perception?
Testing
Cutting to the chase
Did I lose you, or have I been outpaced?
Am I out of touch?
Out of step?
Out of depth?
How many fathoms down am I in this abyssal trench?
Questions met with silence
Too few swim the waters that I myself reside in
Shying from light, shying from eyes
Hiding on the ocean floor
Pass over me on route to unknown, distant shores
I’m a primordial echo
Trapped in a place where the past comes to settle
Is anyone else unable to check their notifications here on WordPress? I just get an infinite loading wheel when I expand the GUI. It hardly matters, as I only have a handful each time I look, but it’s nice to know who’s reading without having to go to the actual post. Funny that there should be issues the day after I considered upgrading my account. Being here about a decade, I was starting to think this a reliable host.
As someone who uses the internet on a regular basis (more specifically social media), I tend to get into a lot of arguments. Sometimes I’m just another voice, trying to hammer reason into some MAGA man. Sometimes I’m the magnet, drawing too much attention. Each and every additional person that joins the “conversation” wants to start from the beginning, forcing me to either point out the day old discussion that answers all their stupid questions, or begin another grueling “battle of wits”. That frustrates me beyond compare, as I take the time to look into things before challenging them. I only expect that simple courtesy from my would be opponents. I’m not trying to master some verbal Destreza and defeat a seemingly endless stream of contenders. I feel like I was going somewhere with all of this, but I think it can stand on its’ own. No need for a summation of one drawn out thought.
What am I, just piles of letters?
Useless, though they keep forever
Collecting mold and dust
Foxing on the corners
Old ink will even rust
Trust in the passage of time
It cannot be broken as can your word
As can mine
I try to bind myself
Every promise made was in belief I could fulfill
Ill falls without discretion
Bonds will end up broken if I don’t fight to protect them
Sometimes my lack of will betrays what I have done
Is my strength so spent that I struggle to move on?
Long battles leave me feeling tired
In this weathered state, I feel so trapped
I feel so mired
I try hard to take a step
I continue to sink deeper
It feels tight up to my chest
Each breath becomes a strain
I want to know the freedom of solid ground again
I can’t get past the stress
All the questions in my life
I lay in heavy silence
I find no peace at night
Just the weight of all the choices
Each one set in stone, stark and grey
Ever joyless
I throw myself against them
Breaking like a wave
They wont budge, but I’m relentless
When my will is all but spent
I piece myself together and start it all again
Something has to give
I can’t always be this broke
My confidence is spent
How did I fall this low?
Knowing how it happened might not change a thing
At least then I would know where to aim this rage
Pages filled with lost aggression
Screaming at the wall and never learning any lessons
Except one simple truth
Smashing my hands on that wall isn’t any use
I lose sight in this sad state
To take the long way ’round has never been my way
I just want to break through
Give a sense of purpose to the fruitless things I do
I’m dying to find love, but there’s so few places left
A psychic in the street said “Right before your death.”
Then, I shall find love
Something in the way she spoke said more than enough
She shrugged and told me what she saw
Didn’t ask for a cent or demand pay at all
Told me it was “sad”
The way the lines of my hands spoke to her of death
I must admit, I have no plans
For today, nor for life
I wander through consciousness, hoping for a light
Some illuminated path
I can’t remain this aimless
Twenty four long years have passed
I’m still grasping at the straws
Caring not whether I grab the shortest one or not
Taught to see the world in terms of opportunity
Have I just gone blind, or have they all eluded me?
thInkStains 