I turn my gaze inward
Looking deep once again
Pulling broken thoughts from bottomless oblivion
Cutting my hands on the pieces
Fraying me
Ever in need of some stitches
Ever tearing at the seams
Patchwork life, quilted out of dreams
Tag Archives: Regret
Bad Trade
I’ve rolled the dice countless times
Gambled with the light
Left my future up to chance
Let many pass me by
I’ve wasted days of youth
Grew up far too quick
Learned lessons about life, and what it means to live or take it
I’m debased, remade as something less
New perspectives bring no peace
Only deepening regrets
Consequence
Humanity in Actions
“Suffering on a smaller scale is still suffering”
The thought didn’t cross my mind until an hour had passed
The moth still skittered and slid across the laminate, unable to fly
Its’ broken wing and battered body wouldn’t allow it
Beat after beat, those wings never ceased
The pain must have been unbearable
But who am I to end suffering?
Some compassionate reaper, or a child with a god complex?
I suppose the latter could apply in both cases
In the end, I took its’ life for a second time
First being the moment I swatted it from the sky
Destroyed its’ life without a thought
Curious that I could so carelessly cause suffering, yet hesitate to end it
I suppose that makes me far from compassionate, and much closer to death
Suiting for one who lives life like a spendthrift
One Last Dream of Mallory
Six years of silence looms over me
Obelisk of regret
Blotting out the sun
Standing on my chest
Pressed against my heart
Struggling with the burden
Loss of self respect
Ashamed at the hurting
Was it worth it?
Not one single bit
Two thousand days wasted
A future traded for a fix
Finality
Well, it seems I’ve let my health slip too far into decline once again. There’s a fair chance this will be my final entry, yet I find there’s little I have left to say. I suppose after the amount of deeply introspective poetry I’ve written, most of the bases have been covered. I’ve loved and lost, lived and genuinely died, I’ve given, and sadly taken a life, and had second, third, even fourth chances to make things right. I want for little at this point in my short, but full existence. Naturally, I hold a wealth of regret that I’m sure to take to my grave, but the past can’t be changed. As I previously mentioned, there really isn’t much to say, other than to thank anyone who has ever taken the time to read one of my rambles, whether or not it was a poem. Know that my words carry the truth and essence of who I really am.
With love,
Justin Arthur Clapp – Lloyd
The Diner in The Trees
I wish to fade to black
Awake to find it was a dream
Each new day begins, leaving more space in-between
Where I am, where I want to be
Turning the clocks back is not enough for me
I plead to turn back all the years
Return to a time when she was mine and I was hers
Each memory, a burr in my eye
A pain that I deserve for my part played in the lie
Her heart screamed for frequency
I took to drugs, silence and secrecy
Burning lightbulbs and bridges
Three years passed
Through the haze, I listed
When I regained sense
She appeared, but just for a moment
The favour returned
Four more years passed
I remain with the hurt
Changes Unseen
I’ve been a false idol
Cult like allure
Codependency
My time for their world
Those strange days of youth
Weak in the flesh
Words put to good use
The bond, quick to form
Letters to soothe
Patience to break the storm
Tore out my heart along the way
Realized what I’d become, never noticing the change
Oceans of bitter tears at the parting
I let it go to static
White noise and callous nothing
Alone now, on in years
Thought things were better off this way
No one left to hurt, nothing left to fear
No one to lead on, dreaming dreams of what can’t be
The dead end string of broken hearts, ending here with me
Thin Memories
Lost in shades of dreams of days that never came to be
Memories fade and colours start to bleed
Figments
Falling through the cracks
Imaginings of futures, all turning into past
Present unfulfilled
Resemblance minimal to the boy who sought the world
thInkStains 